Love in the time of COVID-19
Love in the time of COVID-19
By Yves Lamson
www.yveslamson.com
Two years ago, I wrote an anonymous post in the aftermath of a breakup. I was trying to tip the balance of the horrific posts I was reading on a breakup forum. I wanted to add hope and maybe spark some in myself. I had to do something, writing has always been my solace. At 4 am I posted the following and went to sleep.
I woke a few hours later to many notifications regarding the post. For the next month I kept writing, lessening my own pain by helping others with theirs. It became emotionally draining, and I concluded it was time for me to focus exclusively on my own healing. But one new message with the subject “You seem like a very special person!” caught my attention. This was my first message from Alexandra, in June 2018.
Over the next few months, we spoke daily. I came to know she had a scrappy pup named Monk, was through and through Californian, and a brilliant PhD candidate in Vision Science scheduled to graduate in May 2019 from UC Berkeley. She asked me what I did, and I told her I was a writer. She was intrigued, “What do you write?” I told her that I’d written a book, Bodies of Water. She asked if she could read it.
I didn’t expect her to read it. To my surprise, a few days later she messaged me about the manuscript. “It needs work,” she said. “It’s beautiful, but your typos are going to hurt you.”
“Nahhh,” I typed, “I’ve been working on it for years, it’s fine.” Hubris.
Over the course of a few weeks she’d often slide the suggestion for editing in our conversations. Eventually I caved, agreed to have someone look at it. She offered to have her mother, a professional editor, do the job as a favour. I could feel the souls of my ancestors warming at the word. “Free? I love free.”
And off it went to Alexandra’s mother, Melinda. In a month I had all the errors corrected, some that would have been very embarrassing. Melinda’s keen eye caught words in Tagalog I’d misspelled. Neither Alexandra or Melinda are Filipina. I was impressed and am eternally grateful.
In December of that year I launched Bodies of Water at the Philippine Consulate General in Toronto with the help of my PLUMA collective colleagues and the sorely missed former Consulate General, Rosalita Prospero. This was the greatest night of my 38 years. And it would not have been what it was without Alexandra.
In May of 2019 I flew to California to meet my best friend and to see her succeed in fulfilling her dream, as she had been there virtually for mine. We fell in love and are now loving in the time of Covid.
People have said that my writing reminds them of Gabriel García Márquez, the author of Love in the Time of Cholera. I take that as a compliment in that I’ve never been able to finish his work, feeling inferior as a writer and unable to appreciate the nuances of his work. (But I will take that comparison at every chance I get!)
As with reading Márquez’s work, love in the time of Covid is difficult. Life in general is difficult. With isolation, fear, and so many limitations on even the simple pleasures, it can feel lonely. But I’m not lonely. The L word I feel is “longing.” I long to be with my person, I long to see her outside of my phone screen. I long to hug her and tell her that we will be okay without my phone connection breaking the sentiment.
I want her to hear me say, “I love you” with no compression or geography between us. I miss her, I miss my person.
Do we wait it out and stay safe while we are robbed of a year of seeing each other? Or do we risk our health and start our lives?
Reader, you’ve made it this far, so I’m going to tell you a secret that only a few of our closest family know. Our new plan is to elope, the best choice for us given our desire to keep those we love safe. While we are sad that our friends and family can’t be with us, we are so happy to have found a way to celebrate our love and the beginning of our lives together. We will be making a trip to Big Sur in California for a ceremony and honeymoon.
When the world is safer we will plan another event to have our friends and family celebrate with us. Those closest to us have asked how they can contribute to our elopement and honeymoon, so we’ve set up an online fund. Love in the Time of Covid is strange, but it is there. It is possible.
For those of you out there who are in a similar position, I say this: You are not alone. It is possible. If others say you’re crazy, kindly refer them to this quote from Bodies of Water:
“Love is not infallible, but the way love is, isn’t that exactly how it should be? Shouldn’t it be something so powerful that it transcends logic, something that changes sleep patterns, something that makes moments that burn into the brain, the heart, the soul?”
https://thankfulregistry.com/alexandra-and-yves
www.yveslamson.com
@ysl.writes on Instagram
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