ASK LISA: Tomboys and teasing

ASK LISA: Tomboys and teasing

My daughter has always been a tomboy but now that she is 13, I am worried that she has no interest in clothes, make up or hair. I am afraid other kids will tease her and I am wondering if this is a sign of low self-esteem.

An interest in stereotypically female roles is not, in itself, an indicator of healthy self-esteem. There are many unique ways to be a girl!

A few indicators if your daughter has high self-esteem are these:

• Is she willing to try new things in order to learn?

• Does she express her own opinions?

• Is she interested in spending time with her family and community?

• Can she say what her strengths and best qualities are?

• Does she generally seem optimistic?

Even if her self-esteem is solid now, I understand why you are worried that she may be affected by other’s reactions. There is significant peer and cultural pressure to conform to beauty pressures and gender expectations.

Instead of discouraging her personal style, try teaching her conflict resolution skills and how to be assertive in the face of teasing or bullying peers. Stay open to who your daughter is and who she is becoming. Celebrate her achievements and interests; playing hockey or skateboarding deserve equal attention to her sister’s dance or cheerleading pursuits!

Get to know her friends and don’t be alarmed if she is more comfortable hanging out with boys than girls right now. Because she is uninterested in make-up and fashion she may feel she has little in common with other girls her age. This is likely to change as the other girls grow and expand their horizons.

Keep the dialogue open between you and your daughter, while appreciating her unique traits. You might want to try the Photography 101 activity together at www.campaignforrealbeauty.ca/girls to help you see the world through her eyes. (Dove Self Esteem Fund)