In memory of Joselito Calugay – brother, buddy, comrade
In memory of Joselito Calugay – brother, buddy, comrade
Joey, Joe, Josef, Russel, Loren, Joachin and Jasmine
By Joey Calugay
Thank you everyone. Your kind words strengthen us.
I know more messages of condolences will be coming so I would like to thank you all in advance. We are still in shock and we are all trying to process this while we prepare funeral arrangements. I personally wasn’t expecting it so soon, but he was in pain the past few weeks and I cried with him at one point because he seemed so tired. But I asked him to be brave just for a little while longer. I wasn’t ready to let go and wanted a few more moments, laughter and reminiscing with him. I was being selfish of course. I wasn’t ready to let go of my big brother just yet. But I guess his big heart gave out early this morning. I was hoping to go visit him at my mom’s tonight when he got back from Ottawa but alas it wouldn’t be. I take comfort that his suffering is over.
My last conversation with him was after our Gintong Batas Exhibit which he really wanted to go see but couldn’t because of the pain he was suffering. So I promised to record some of it and take photos of the art installations. We sat for about 20 minutes going over my videos and photos and I was answering his questions. He was super happy it turned out well and congratulated us, especially his niece, my daughter Loren who submitted her installation on political prisoners for the exhibit. He was sad that his youngest, Kaitlyn, who is also a budding artist and painter couldn’t participate from Ottawa. He would have been proud of them and their artwork. But he is already so proud of his kids. Throughout it all he and Beth did an excellent job raising such fine human beings. I hope he knew that. After the 20 minutes he asked if we could stop so he could rest a bit.
Joey with Joselito at the hospital. (Photos provided)
His pain was becoming unbearable and his morphine wasn’t lasting that long. I got busy the following few days after that and he left for Ottawa Monday last week, where he stayed until this morning when my mom was supposed to pick him up to come back to Montreal. I hope my mom will be ok coming home on her own. I will check on her in a bit. She and Beth were dealing with the transport of my brother’s remains to the funeral home after the coroner would have signed the death certificate.
He wanted to be cremated and his ashes buried under a tree. We will make sure that will happen here in Montreal. His kids, family and friends can visit his final resting place and feel the comfort of some shade as we sit and converse under his tree. He considered having his ashes buried under one of our family mango trees in Pangasinan, my dad’s province, but in the end he wanted it to be easier for his family to visit. So it will be in the new remembrance grove they are developing in the Cote des Nieves cemetery, where the great Nalie Agustin also rests after her fight against cancer. Thank you Jess and Tess for sharing this idea with us. I hope we can go visit their trees on the same day and rest a bit under their shade.
The following photos are my most recent memories of him… On our road trips driving him back and forth Montreal and Ottawa for his chemo, in the Ottawa hospital for when he was admitted last June after losing consciousness because of a high fever from an infection, to photos of us hanging out at a Filipino community Festival and with our brother Josef when he came to visit us with his son Joachin during the summer, to an older memory when he joined me, Josef and my mom at an anti-war conference for the ILPS a few years before he became really sick and diagnosed with cancer.
I am processing this loss by going through old photos to remind myself that I did have some more moments with him. I did my best to make those memories. I wish I could have had more, but time always moves forward. I told my kids today to not take time for granted. Live and do some good for as much as you can and as long as you can during our short time here.
Thank you all again for your kindness. We feel your love and it will help us through this grief.
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